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Only double the pain. I could never go back to being a girl, and would never again experience the same kind of romantic emotions as I’d experienced with my husband. No, my pal. Tony. I’ve got to stop thinking like that now. I still had all my female clothes forcefully crammed into a bag beside the front door, ready to explode at any moment. Every other minute I would glance over at it and fight the urge to indulge myself in lace and satin. Knowing how much I had loved being a girl, I knew the only way to quit was to cut clean, but somehow I never got around to throwing the bag out. It’s presence was the only thing I had left besides the memories, and I told myself that I needed to cling on just for a little while. Make the transition gradually. Just till the sadness subsided. But the days continued to edge on in their painstakingly slow pace, every minute an agony, and every hour a dread. I passed the time watching television, taking long walks or reassuring myself of my sexual. She was bouncing up and down and moaning, facing away from her lover, toward the camera. The camera eventually panned up and focused on the woman's face. It was unmistakably Lisa. I nearly fell out of my chair, but the video ended. I think that was the moment I knew that I wanted Kait to go black, and damn the consequences. I fell asleep dreaming of the brief video file that Ted had sent, only instead of Lisa it was Kait riding black cock, looking right at me and telling me how good it was.Kait came home the next day, but it was obvious from her aloofness that I'd clearly overstepped some internal limit and had shocked her, perhaps really hurt her. I wanted to beg for forgiveness, but I held my peace, waiting for her to open up. It took a while, but she finally came into my office, sat down across from me, and said, "I don't quite know what to make of the videos, Rick. I mean, I thought I knew you but it sure seems like I don't. Do you really fantasize about that stuff?" I knew I had.
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