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"This is what it's all about. What sex means. What life means. The focus of it all. Ass!"Right then and there, Val decided that he didn't just want a "piece of ass"... he wanted the entire ass. The logic was so compelling that he just had to put his insights on paper for all the world to see. He began to write a book.Starting the first blank page was the hardest thing he had ever done.THE BOOK OF ASSESPart IFundament FundamentalsAss is magic. The lush roundness, the curves... The Curve. That most elegant and sensual of all geometric shapes -- the vertically split oval, the inverted catenary, the upside-down heart.The ass. It releases nauseating, evil-smelling waste and emits noxious gas... it's the exit passage for lumps of shit and rotten-smelling farts. It's the symbol of all that is unclean. And yet, by some strange alchemy, it becomes the most highly-charged and sensual body part. It's an obsession, a ruling passion, a crystallization of purpose.Remember how weird and disgusting. I ran an honest game, and the players appreciated that, though the bartender was a little pissed that I did not cheat so that I could rake in more money. My feeling was, if he wanted a cheating game, he should put in a faro table. Everybody knew that those were crooked.Anyway, I went for a week, making enough to get by, but steadily learning the trade. One rich rancher did drop in on the game on Friday night, and he lost a little over $200. He was really pissed off, but he did not accuse me of cheating. I was glad of that, because I really didn't want to have to shoot him.The next week, I started to win more, and the bartender wanted a bigger cut of the pie. We negotiated, and I agreed to pay him 5% of my winnings. He still averaged about $10 per night, but he was happier, and I did not care.By the fourth week, I had a reputation as a card sharp. As I previously commented, the vast majority of the poker players in Sweetwater had little idea of how to play the odds, so it was no wonder.
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