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Melissa, my wife, wassitting on the couch watching as I tried in vain to solve the problemby turning the satellite off and back on again. It was a trick that Ilearned in college, but it never worked. I don't know why I bother.Melissa sat on the couch with a slight smirk on her face, as if to say,"that trick never works," ala Rocky the Squirrel.Conceding defeat, I turned off the television and sat on the chairopposite Melissa. I wondered out loud what we would do since we didn'thave TV. She made reference to my extensive collection of DVDs, but Ihad seen all of them and really wasn't in the mood to watch a movieanyway. So instead, she suggested that we plan our morning. We wereplanning to go get some more supplies for the house, since we had justbought it and it didn't have much in the way of furnishings. We had ourown tables, chairs, couches, and bed--but not much else. While I wentto the hardware store (a man's job), she was going to Wal-Mart to lookat curtains (a woman's job).. Has the respondent received and read a copy of said complaint?” Asshole stood again and replied. “I have Your Honor. If I may Your Honor, may I speak. I may be able to save the court some time.” “Very well, Mr. James, proceed.” The judge allowed. Asshole spoke again. “Your Honor, I have read the complaint and do not wish to fight this divorce. She is free to go as far as I am concerned. She never was much of a wife in the first place. However, Mr. Martin and I have come to an agreement. I will give my convertible Camaro to Kerry and she will allow me to keep all my other property. There is to be no spousal support. However, will be required to pay half of Mr. Martin's fee for this divorce. I will sign your decree as soon as this court has it prepared. Thank you, Your Honor.” He then sat down and bowed his head. “Mr. Martin, is what Mr. James said in agreement with your understanding and has your client been so advised?” ”Yes, Your Honor, Mr. James statement is as we.
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