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He said you must have been measured incorrectly for the tux. The measurements you sent him didn't jibe with what he remembered of you, so we'll fall back to plan B. You can wear your uniform at the wedding. I'm sure you'll look great and I'm so proud that my Dad spent the last two years serving our country. I want everyone to know you're my father and that you're a captain in the Army!" Retired captain in the Army, Sweetheart. I am out and my life is my own again," I chuckled."Whatever, Dad. Would you mind going with us girls to the different bars tonight? We have a limo rented, so you won't have to drive and you can even have a couple drinks, too. I know us girls will have too much to drink, so I want someone I can trust to watch over us. Can you keep your eyes on six lovely young women for five or six hours and make sure no harm comes to any of us?" grinned Brandi. "It's a tough job, but someone has to do it!" Sure, I'd be glad to," I quickly responded. "I assume you told your. > He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the> father of this baby.> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!> Have you been fooling around behind my back?"> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:> "Not this time!">>> The 3rd Affair>> A mortician was working late one night.> He ! examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,> about to be cremated,> and made a startling discovery.> Schwartz had the largest private part> he had ever seen!> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician> commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated> with such an impressive private part.> It must be saved for posterity."> So, he removed it,> stuffed it into his briefcase,> and took it home> "I have something to show> you won't believe," he said to his wife,> opening his briefcase.> "My God!" the wife exclaimed,> "Schwartz is dead!">>> The 4th Affair>> A woman was in bed with her lover> when she heard her husband> opening the front door.> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner;> She rubbed baby oil all over him,>.
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