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No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning of what will, undoubtedly, come to pass for me and that it is yet another attempt at my head trying to bombard me with rationalism. This fact is what holds me back and what keeps that impossible dream lingering. I understand that it is only my mind rehashing the trauma and fear in order to protect my body from further damage. Knowing this gives me hope that. Petty? Well, yes, but there you are. I don’t apologize for it. After I finished dressing, I walked down thehall and opened the door to Marty’s office. No, I didn’t knock, so don’t bother asking. As I walked inside I could see Marty leaning back in his office chair, mouth open as a mass of red hair bobbed between his thighs. Debbie already at work, no doubt. I just crossed my arms and leaned against a file cabinet to wait. I didn’t have to wait long. I heard a muffled squeal of pleasure from under the desk- Debbie getting a mouthful, I surmised- and Marty started to shake soundlessly. This went on for several seconds and I could swear I heard Debbie slurping and gulping. Marty then sat back, obviously breathless, and finally took in my presence. He scowled and said, ‘Jeez, Shannon, couldn’t you have waited ’til I was finished to come barging in here?’ Marty was the manager of the wrestling show. Or, if you asked Marty, he was the president of our wrestling federation. You may have.
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