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They have to be, you understand, for my mental well-being. I now understand so much of what my doctor tells me, what you've tried to get through to me. I'm a pretty fucked up person right now and when I'm ready to see you in a situation beyond work and light socializing, I'll ask you on a date. I don't want to color what I'm coming to grips with and effect what we are or might be. Is that OK?" That is quite fine," I responded. "For the first time since all of this came out that I know you have thought about and understand the depth of what changes you are trying to accomplish. I'm always there for you. Know that. I, obviously, want to become your lover, but if that never happens and we still remain friends, that will be fine as well, as long as you're well." I know that." She said with a smile that told me she had found some peace in her night with me.Whether her getting physically ill truly got the "poison" out of her or whether the symbolism of it struck a hard chord, it was the. I resolved to put my life into some sort of order.I couldn't quite find a "Bitches Anonymous" but I did find a local counseling program for people whose lives had serious fucked up issues and that had a small, fairly private and intimate group counseling session twice a week. I didn't like it much at first but I forced myself to attend and even started to attend an additional private session once a week. After a few months of effort, I started to feel happier with myself and everyone around me at work was starting to treat me like a ticking atomic bomb. Even my father sensed something had changed ... but that it was distinctly for the better."If I get another report that you've gone another entire full month without threatening to kill anyone, set their body on fire and then taking a long piss over their ashes, I'm going to have to do something drastic." He said to me with a wink one morning, followed by his usual remark of "Have you visited your boyfriend lately?"Since I had been.
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