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While my parents never mentioned it, my sister did bring up the idea of me being a lesbian a couple of times. I'm sure she was just the front for my mother and reported back to her.Then after a couple of years, it happened. If you think that means that I met the man of my dreams and fell in love, clearly you haven't been paying attention that closely or you'd know me better than that. While it does involve me meeting a man, it's more like I was leaving work one day and my car wouldn't start. The man was one of the mechanics for the company. He got my car running and I thought that was the end of it. I saw him around after that but it wasn't until someone else in the office pointed out that he had the hots for me that I noticed it. I never was good at figuring those things out. After a while he asked me out and, mostly because I was tired of my parents asking, I accepted. While it was just casual dating, things eventually got out of hand. By that I mean he proposed. And in what I feel. When they ask me why I have slutty stripper outfits in my closet, I tell them they are mines. They ask why I do it or if I’m gay. I simply reply I’ve had my time being a male and enjoyed it but I know that I feel better about myself when I’m a girl. I have a more vibrant and energetic attitude about life when I live this way. Being dressed and dolled up. It doesn’t bother me because I’ve accepted myself that what matters. The criticism from my family hit me really hard though. I’ve tried to kill myself 2 times because of it and was unsuccessful. I was confused and tried to run away from who I truly am and it hurt me. Because the people I loved didn’t accept me, pushed me away and called me a freak, it made me depressed and suicidal. Becoming more feminine has helped me overcome that. I’m more open to talking about it because it helps suppress those demons. It’s about addressing problems first and not letting others affect your life decisions. I’m a very emotionally conscious person.
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