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I knew girls had always found me attractive, but couldn't help but think what a man would feel if they saw me dressed up. I imagined how they would crave my body and be desperate for me. I wanted so badly to experience that in real life but have always kept it as a dream and never a reality.After college I married my longtime girlfriend and we began our lives together, her still not having any idea how I truly felt inside. Once we had our own place and knowing my wife worked nights at times as a nurse, I knew I would have more time to play. I dove down the rabbit hole of ordering myself some panties and lingerie, then some toys, eventually heels, wig, bras etc. I loved the excitement of getting my Amazon package and knowing it held in it my next adventure.Like clockwork, on nights where I was alone I would end up dressed from head to toe in the sexiest outfit I could think of. Watching hours of porn online until I finally couldn't take it anymore and would go to play with my toys.. The worst possible situation for a young couple like us,married only a few years, with no well-established friends in the area,a long way from our nearest surviving relatives. We kept looking, andwe tried to keep up each other's spirits, but first our savings and thenour unemployment benefits ran out. And we found ourselves flat broke.I felt demoralized, helpless, at my wit's end. I'd even tried door-to-door sales of ... well,anything -- detergents, auto-insurance,magazines. It was hard to spend day after day watching doors close inyour face, hearing people say "No!", or "Not today," or "Come back whenmy husband's home!" and then after a second visit hear the husband say"No!"And meanwhile our unpaid obligations mounted. Official-looking lettersarrived daily and began to sound serious. From the Bank about creditcard payments and mortgage arrears. From the Gas and Electric aboutcutting off service, and ditto from the phone company and the watercommission. We owed everyone. .
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