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I needed that permission. I craved that permission.Although I am an experienced lover, I have not abandoned myself to the depth and the darkness that I know exists in woman. I feel it like a smouldering dormant volcano inside of me. It writhes and coils when I am involved in a seduction, then at the moment of consummation, I feel the fear that results in restraint that most women experience sometimes, or all of the time. Then I give myself to my lover in a submissive willingness that is a lie to the temptress that seduced him. With women I show more courage, able to take them in that power all the way to her orgasm as my lips are fastened to her exploding sex; but as soon as she tries to devour me, sucking my own orgasm form my body, I withdraw in a spiritual nature. Fearful of the thing that is being unleashed, I betray my woman lover by leaving her emotionally and creating my orgasm alone. I thank her for it, but it was never her that created it. My withdrawal, felt by her, was my. Ididn't want to go through with any of this. The way she treated me wasembarrassing beyond words."We went over this yesterday, sweetheart," she replied, setting mybreakfast down on the corner stand, "now; come on, out of bed. We have along day ahead of us."I swung my legs out of bed, planting my feet in hazy square of sunlight.My thick blonde hair hung lankly around my shoulders while I lapped atmy breakfast. As always, the coffee was wincingly sweet, practicallyswamped with milk and honey. Something of an eccentric, my aunt heldsome extremely unorthodox views on diet and nutrition...amongst otherthings.Meantime, Julene went through my closet, sorting out my wardrobe for theday. Almost inevitably, she chose the shortest outfit she could find, atranslucent red sunfrock with a full-circle drop-waist; the kind ofthing worn by little girls with giggly smiles and long yellow ribbons intheir hair."Yes, I think that will do nicely," Julene nodded to herself, thenraised a skeptical eyebrow.
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