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It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm hell bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't deserve love anyway, not even love for myself. I did a horrible thing to someone else and deserve to suffer for it. Coincidentally, I've found a perfect way to do that. Sexual humiliation has become something I am rather good at taking and being used has taken over any of my previous sexual preferences.Finding the men is easy enough, especially when I tell them that I don't care who they are - something that seems mutual to most men nowadays. I don't think I've even asked their names the past few. "Everything is ready for us to depart this planet," Mev said aloud to the assembled group."With this ship we could easily return to the Republic and end the war. The Morro could not stand against us now," Anna said."While that idea does have some appeal, to proceed with that would lead to zentas hue. We must instead first proceed to meet with the Antares," Mev replied. "We must move forward and look to the future, not the past." The Antares is the name of the ship that brought you here?" Shina asked."Yes. Now that our own vessel has been completed sufficient to allow us to live aboard and travel it is necessary to meet with them one last time," Mev answered."You have foreseen this?" Shina asked, already knowing somewhat about the precognitive powers of the High Lords."Yes," Mev answered without elaborating."Then I suppose we should proceed," Shina said. She was feeling a little anxious about leaving her planet for the first time, yet she also remembered Basak and knew the necessity of.
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