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If only you knew that I want you so very bad... maybe someday we will be..... As I walk into the house that I share with my dad I seem to notice that he is laying there on the couch with just his boxers on. I can’t seem to refocus my mind on something else because i’m standing there with my mouth dropped when he spoke up: “Baby girl whats on your mind, you seem to be day dreaming about something?” “Oh its nothing daddy, I just am bored is all, none of my friends are around since they got their boyfriends you know. Boyfriends are more important than their regular friends” “I’m sorry baby girl, its hard at your age to be able to balance both friends and boyfriends at once. I’m sure that they will come back around and want to hang out again.” “ Yeah I know that, well I guess I am going to go up to my room and watch some tv before I go to bed, if you need anything you know where I am.” “Ok baby girl.” That was a close call I guess you would say, I didn’t want him to notice me staring at. He told me he accepted me however I was. He told me he would be perfectly happy with an imperfect me.But I still had my pride.God damn my pride.Sure, it would have been easier to just crawl back to him and heal together. Easier, but not better. Not for him. He deserves better.I wouldn't let him take me the way I am. I couldn't. To return to him now, before I'd come to terms with what I'd done, would poison our relationship. It would eat me from the inside, a rotting cancer at my core. For his sake, I knew I had to be better. The only question was: how?This was my solution. I had come back to this place – this special, special place. It was the birthplace of "us", of the "we" we would become. They say that to find yourself you need to go backwards, to retrace your steps until you find the time when you still recognized yourself in the mirror. I was going back to the beginning, the beginning of Ben and me. I was going back to the place where we recognized each other as soulmates in the.
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