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If I can just die after lunch on Tuesday, everything will be perfect.”Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers pitcher: “All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, ‘See, there is a fat guy doing great. Bring me another beer.’”Tommy Lasorda, Los Angeles Dodgers manager: “I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad I’m having them.”E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his twelve knee operations: “My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.”Vic Braden, tennis instructor: “My theory is that if you buy an ice cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.”Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles: “I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.”John Breen, Houston Oilers: “We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle,. The first spurt hit the water tank and I managed to direct the next three spurts into the toilet. I was cleaning up my erratic spray when the kettle started screeching and I rushed to get back to the kitchen and silence the noise, lest Lisa be awakened.I reached the top of the stairs and the noise stopped. I stopped and listened for a moment, and hearing Lisa, I went to my room to change. I didn't want her to see me for fear of her knowing I had been watching her masturbate in her sleep. I dressed for the morning chores and slipped outside without her seeing me. I did the chores and then began looking around for any damage caused by the high winds.I noticed my repair job had been effective as there was no additional water in the barn. I was pleased and checked the new shop and all was well there also. The surprise was the shortcut to Frank and Gay's was no longer passable, unless one had a boat. The small stream, normally eight feet wide, was now about a hundred feet wide and the man.
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