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Alone. At that moment, I simply wanted to get the hell out of there before things went from bad to worse. I almost made it, too, but in the split second between speaking and turning away, I saw my true meaning register in his eyes. Goodbye. They grew rounder as they instantly filled with tears, but he didn’t speak. There really wasn’t anything left to say. All my fears, my warnings, about the evening’s potential for disaster materialized as if foretold by a gypsy’s crystal ball. Part of me wanted to scream, ‘I told you so!’ Part of me wanted to ask, ‘Did you think I was kidding?’ My voice, after uttering that last word, wouldn’t allow anything else to pass my lips. Rendered mute by anguish, I continued on my way—without hesitation, but with heaping buckets of regret. In a twisted way, I took solace in the fact that a conflict that had gnawed at my soul for months was now resolved. Not resolved in the manner of my choosing, but the weight dissipated just the same. With it went. What WAS important was immediately reassuring Mel that her concerns were needless.(That wasn’t quite the truth; she would have had some cause for concern if she would have been able to read my thoughts. I can’t pretend that watching her have so much sex hadn’t caused me some upset. When you’ve fallen in love with someone, by definition you want to be totally exclusive, and, let’s be honest here, possessive. My ring on her finger, my pussy. However much I kept telling myself that these scenes had all been filmed months BEFORE I’d even signed up for the dating site, they still had an immediacy I didn’t like ... But I’d gone over this ground so many times in the days after Mel had told me she was a former porn star, that I was rehashing them knowing that I was so much better off with Mel in my life than not ... And if my beloved needed reassurance, reassurance she was gonna get – in spades.)So far, I hadn’t made any comments about the movie, just mostly watched in silence. Given her the.
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