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You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn't. Every night it's like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me". --Amy Schumer"The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she's shopping". --Joan Rivers"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch".--Jack Nicholson"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is".--Barbara Bush"Studies show that about half of Americans have sex at work. Coincidentally, that's the same half that say they are happy with their jobs".--Melanie White"You know that look women get when they want to have sex? Me neither".--Steve Martin"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet".--Robin Williams"Don't bother discussing sex with small c***dren. They rarely have anything to add".--Fran Liebowitz"I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex; because, number. " So I've contacted a care agency, several in fact, to see what it would cost." And?" Fifteen pounds a visit." What?" That was my first reaction," she lied, "but they explained that that included the carer's wage, a contribution towards petrol and overheads." Profit!" In a nutshell," she managed to smile."How many carers do they have?" I've no idea." Quite a number, I'll be bound, and therefore quite a profit." You can hardly blame them." Have you tried the voluntary organisations?" Yes. They seem to do it on a means test and I'm afraid, Father, that you earn too much to qualify for reduced fees and it works out the same." Could you not manage on one visit a week?" Not really. Fresh vegetables and fruit for starters." 'Fridge." Father you'd be the first to complain if your vegetables weren't fresh. The other thing is that Mum might need something quite urgently which wouldn't wait a week." Very well," he agreed grudgingly."Thank you, Father. They'll send you a monthly bill." Very.
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