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And then she remembered. Willing her eyes to stay closed she listened to the rhythm of Jason’s breathing. He was awake. What would he be like now that the sense of urgency of last night was over? Deep down, Alexis knew he didn’t mean it when he said he loved her. How could he? He knew too much about what happened to her. Still, it was nice that he at least cared enough to want to make her feel better. Because she also knew he wasn’t trying to get her into bed. She wasn’t so naïve that she believed a man knowing her past could want her. Sooner or later she was going to have to open her eyes. It just felt so nice to lay with him on his wonderful couch with his arms around her, feeling his breath on her neck and pretending…pretending it was real. Trying to make it seem as if she was waking up slowly, Alexis shifted her weight and turned toward Jason. As she did his hand shifted to her breast. Rather than flinch away as they both expected her too, she lay perfectly still. He hadn’t. Like it or not, I am an integral part of what is being played out before me. And even though I do not know her, and I have never met her, so is she. Suddenly she feels like an important part of my life. As my husband leans in to whisper to her she giggles and turns her head away. I have the feeling that they are not sleeping together. Just flirting in a pub. Perhaps it would not be a cause of alarm for some women. She may be an old friend. A client. But the distance I had sensed between my husband and I recently, coupled with this scene before me have my intuition aroused. And I feel the twisted urgent sickness of fear and rage. Soon I can see he is ready to leave. There have been no kisses on lips, no arms linked and no touching of a sexual nature. Nothing to show anyone they are a couple. It is only because I can see them that anyone even knows they share an illicit intimacy. It is not till I know that he is leaving that I feel able to turn away, even though I can’t stand to watch..
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