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I must have been there for another 15 minutes when Tom returned full of apologies for being so long. He untied me and straightened me up, saying that I must be stiff being left tied in that position for so long. He made no mention of anyone else being here, so if he hadn't arranged it, who was it. I said I was feeling stiff and would go and have a hot bath to relax. In reality I wanted to wash out all the spunk in me before Tom noticed.It was as I lay relaxing in the bath that I heard the same squeaking that I'd heard just before being gang banged. It was the window cleaner, of course, it's Wednesday morning. he always comes every other week at 10am Wednesday mornings.Two weeks later, just before 10am on Wednesday morning, Tom was back at work and I was alone in the house. I went to the kitchen and tied rope around the table legs, put on a blindfold and gag and lay across the table as before. I just wrapped the ropes around my wrists and held the ends in my hands. And waited. (I. There are so many things that I did, said, and felt which I now see were so incredibly stupid. I can't imagine how I let myself get into those situations, for one thing. Why in the world I let myself get talked into going out drinking with those girls... I just don't know.That was the start of it, I think. Doctor Jamison gave me a list of books to read and it was a revelation to me. Alcohol takes a woman and turns her inside out. Like one of them says, it's the most effective date rape drug in the world. It deadens the thinking processes and lowers inhibitions to the point of non-existence. Heavy drinking is such a self-destructive thing to do too. It makes the body react hard in order to throw off the poisons and it alters the body's chemistry.Doctor Jamison has helped me figure out I was drinking hard so I could make myself numb and not have to deal with the things I was feeling. It didn't work. It only made me more vulnerable to Brian. It made it easy for him to get me to sleep.
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