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I looked at her for a moment, and a wave of despair passed over me."Do you want a divorce?" came out of my mouth, even though that wasn't what I wanted to say right then."No, of course not, David. I LOVE you. I love our lifestyle, I love our children, and I love everything about us and our marriage, except I'm not interested in having sex. Anyway, I remember the terms of our agreement, so there will be no divorce," she concluded.I turned from her and walked towards the guest room. I could hear her behind me."David, come back in here. There is no reason for you to sulk about this," she called after me."OK, if it's so damned important to you, you can have me," she said, the anger in her voice telling me volumes about what to expect.I turned back to her, and more calmly than I could even believe, replied,"No thanks, I don't need some sort of 'mercy fuck' where you lay there like a piece of dead meat. That's how you were six months ago, and it wasn't even worth the effort."I continued. I may have over-argued the point by referring them to judicial punishment, but that seems to be the flavour today. Cold-bloodied, selfish, self-satisfying self-indulgence taking it out on another guy's flesh and bones because it makes you feel powerful and superior…. No concept of sharing the hurt, of giving pleasure, of listening together to the musical thwump of the flogger, of serving the floggee… It's all academic and selfish, - mutuality is dead, spiritual enjoyment gone….I used to row on the river (at Henley too), and a rhythm of 35 strokes to the minute was regular for me so that's what I look for now, full effort behind every stroke across my bum and back, but who is there out there prepared to go that far ? All the well-built ladies in scanty leather and high heels are a bit of a joke too, - they're professionals, so the thing most uppermost in their minds is not your pleasure but their own insurance risk… Fair enough, they supply a service, - they're not your lover. But.
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