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Was I not worth living for? I feel nothing but shame for every moment of it. I wish you’d come back here, to where I first discovered you. I wish I could beg your forgiveness, I wish I could take your hands again and convince you with every cell in my being that I still loved you, that it was myself I hated. I’d silence any attempt of yours to tell me that you felt the same way, that you felt less than you were before. I’d tell you every truth I had and hoped that you’d believe just one. I’d fix and clean off all of your pages and restore you to your deserved glory. Why did I spend years building you up and only moments tearing you apart? If I traversed every corner of the world, could I find all of the pages flowing in the wind? Could I collect them and piece them back together? I wish so badly that I could. I love you still. I love you to the point that it aches. I love you beyond reason. I love you so much that it frightens me, because that’s the only way I know how to love. I. I asked for a drink, and George gave me a little sippy cup like for a child. I drank a little water and felt better with my mouth and throat no longer dry. I told George that I wanted to see Dar when he woke up. I wanted to thank him for now saving my life. George had told me that if Dar hadn’t have done what he did, I would probably have drowned before he could have gotten outside and gotten me out of the pool. Now 2 of us owed Dar. Latter that day, (Or night, I wasn’t sure) Janny came in with Dar. She said, ‘look what I found trying to steal a chair.’ Dar smiled at me and said, ‘I’m glad your awake now. How are you feeling?’ I said, ‘I feel like I got hit in the head with a hammer, and someone is still hitting me.’ That wasn’t far from the truth. Janny said, ‘That’s normal for someone with a concussion. It’ll fade in a few days, but your stuck in bed for awhile. And no cheerleader practice for at least a month. I almost cried over that. I really wanted to be on the squad, but if.
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