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We argued a lot. Premarital sex was a temptation in my religion. And as much as I liked it, I wanted to be good, I wanted to be good like my father was good. I wanted to obey the scriptures. When the end came I wanted to enter heaven. But more often than not my desire for Raquel overrode my desire for eternal life. Of course this was during our sexual encounters. After sex, even before my orgasm was finished, the severity of what I’d done would set in. I was trading a few seconds of ecstasy for an eternity of damnation. I was angry with myself, and that anger spilled out onto Raquel. We were both fighting this urge to have sex, and I blamed her for giving in just as much as I blamed myself. When I left her I wanted to believe that she was just a bitch and that I just couldn’t stand her anymore, but that wasn’t the case. The truth was my sexuality wasn’t as simple as I wanted to believe it was. The stories I had written were a testament to my issues. A part of me wanted to be a. I really miss you!”She was crying, and that opened my tear ducts too.“You know how much I love you, Beth?”She cried even harder. This week was difficult for us both, but it seemed to really affect her.“Baby, don’t cry. We can make up for the lost time when you get home tomorrow.”She struggled for several minutes to get any composure while I tried to calm her down.“Nate, I miss you so much, and I’m tired, I don’t feel that good. I just need to go to bed.”After a very short goodbye and exchanged words of love, our unusually quick call ended. It felt strange. It seemed neither one of us were made to be apart.Saturday night was an exceptionally restless night. I was miserable. Our call upset me and all I wanted was Beth in my arms. I awoke Sunday morning and felt sick from working myself up all night. I never missed church, but that day I did. Beth would be home by 2 in the afternoon, and I couldn’t calm myself down from the anticipation.I heard her car door close and ran outside to.
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