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As my son watches Blue’s Clues, I go to my computer. I log on to the internet. It is in this forum that I think I have found you, again. You are my hope and my memory. I spend much of my time wondering if I’ll catch a glimpse of you again. I look out the window of my bedroom, away from the computer screen. I see the fence line and trees overhead. They might as well not exist. I remember so vividly each of the last eleven years. I run the months through my mind, and I wonder how I could have changed things to accommodate what I now know is true. I pour myself over the emotions and the feelings that you inspire in me. I no longer doubt the veracity of anything I ever felt, nor anything that comes to my mind in the present. When I am alone on days like today, I feel the misery of choices I made so long ago. And I want to tell you all about it. I have issued my full apology so many times. The guilt still burns in me. There is just enough fuel in my mind to keep it going. But I don’t want. My sisterhad gotten married almost a month ago and moved with her husband to anapartment not far away. But she left behind all sorts of things,including a lot of her clothes. Cheryl is a real beauty, dark hair,green eyes, and a trim, shapely figure, with a smile that charmedalmost anyone she decided to use it on. Mom and Dad had gone away forthe weekend, and for some unknown reason I found myself in Cheryl'sroom, why, I still don't know. But when I saw her clothes in the closetI decided, as a lark, to try them on. In my dementia, I decided thatone of her prom dresses would be perfect. The pink one with the hugeskirt.I quickly stripped and put the dress on and quickly found out that itwould not zip up. Close, but my waist was too big. I took it off andlooked in her dresser and found panties, decided what the hell, and putthem on. Then, in another drawer, a padded pantybrief! I guess it wasfrom when she didn't have any shape to speak of. I put it on, then somepantyhose, and finally, a.
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