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Thereis no way I will ever give birth. The view in the mirror isstill too masculine. I don?t know if I could ever get ridor my beard or the rug that covers my body. I am too tall.My voice is too deep. The hair where I need it is missing.I need to put makeup and look pretty, not like someone whois trying to pass. And if I try to pass I might get beat upby someone who believes he is a ?real? man. Or I might justbe lucky enough just to get a snide remark. I need to bewith woman as a woman, not a freak. And if I need to go tothe restroom in a public place it is with a sister or agirlfriend. I need to be with a man as his woman and knowthat he is or will be the father of my babies.I feel that hurt and anger. It is because I was born withthat genetic defect that said I should be playing with gunsand trucks instead of dolls and jewelry. Part of me neededto rebel and wear that dress but part of me said not tohurt anyone else so be what I appear to be even though thatgenetic defect eventually. My husband calms me down and we walk hand in hand to the room number and knock. You answer and seem pleasantly surprised as you invite us into the room. We know each other by name, and you kiss me on the cheek as I sit on the edge of the bed and my husband sits on a chair at a small writing table and leans back to observe us. You ask if I would like anything, and I reply ‘not really, I’m ok, just a little nervous’ as you ask if you can sit next to me, and I reply I would really like to sit in the jacuzzi with you in a warm bath. You reply, ‘Great, let me fill it up!’ and you lean over to kiss my cheek before getting up to start the tub to fill up. While it fills you sit next to me and rub my thigh through my short skirt and I lean back on my hands and give you more access. This is something that wasn’t discussed, but it seems to be relaxing me and I am enjoying very much, being apprehensive yet horny before coming up to your room with my husband who is still sitting back and watching.
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