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You seem to let yourself completely fall under my control. No not control, bad choice of words…’ I could see him searching for a better word. ‘…my leadership in the bedroom. But with your clothes on you argue with me every chance you get. If I asked you to go right you would go…’ ‘…left. I know. I have always had a problem with authority, even as a child. With my clothes on, I feel like you are trying to make me become something I am not willing to be. I feel like you want me to accept everything you say and do to me as okay. Well, I have a serious problem not being in control of my own destiny. I really don’t understand what you want from me with my clothes on or off. If it is complete submission, I am sorry it will never happen.’ Was this the end? I was not sure, he was offering me everything I could ever want, but at what cost? ‘If you want me to leave, I will.’ ‘No! I don’t want you to leave. I have fallen in love with who you are, not what I think I can make you become. Why is. She walks silently, trying to not makea sound. The closer she is to the door, the stronger her doubts are.Sometimes she has to fight with overpowering desire to return to thewarm, soft bed. But she's strong enough to resist it.She opens the door, listening to the shimmering rain outside and lookinginto the night sky, covered with a stars. She often reminds herself ofall these stories about "wish upon a star" and she silently says thatwish again, like a silent prayer. Then she has to fight her doubts again,before making a step.Every time she makes her first step into the rain, it's like an electricshock for her body. It's very short, but the strength of the uncertaintyis big. Deep inside her mind, she still repeats "What if..."What if it will turn her into a boy again? She was changing many times inthe past, so it became a natural for her then. All these conflictedfeelings are returning to her. Many times she thought that she managed toforget about them, but it seems it's impossible..
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