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When I feel you are ready to go out and out you may go back to your jobs or else find other ones.If this is a problem speak now. I will not change it of course but I will listen. I will allow you to express concerns but things will not change. We both decide not to speak, it will do no good anyway. We have no choices, no rights. We must go by His rules. How we got ourselves into this is beyond us. What we will do, we have no idea at the moment other then just get through it and hope He doesn’t want to keep it this way for long. But in the back of my head I am thinking that I may like it this way.I remind myself to talk to mom about it first chance we get. Its like im fighting with myself. I know I shouldn’t like it this way but I think deep down I do. When I got whipped for cumming I thought I would be truly pissed for getting whipped.But I actually wasn’t, I felt I deserved it. I more or less appricated being punished. That was the last thing I thought I should feel. I want to talk. I learned and I managed but with each littlefeminine grace my male ego was reduced all the more. While I wasbecoming more and more like my dead step-sister I concentrated on thefact that I was not an exact carbon copy. I still did not have herpierced ears or her small up-tuned nose. I was still me under all thatlingerie and makeup.The week after my ordeal Mildred decided to take me off thetranquilizers. At first I found it a blessing to be fully aware of whatwas going on around me but then my nerves and the real reality of mysituation made me beg for them. She absolutely refused to give me mymedication no matter how much I pleaded or begged. I even promised to doanything absolutely anything she wanted if she would just give me onepill. I was that desperate to escape my reality but in time my bodyadjusted. I still wanted to escape my daily life but not at the expenseof my awareness. I still had to find some way out of my predicament andget out from under her thumb. By now my.
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