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It was her phone number.“Don’t worry, I won’t,” I said. I never used the number.Eight years later…It was the third quarter, close to a blowout. We were going to win. But I liked blowouts. They seemed funny to me. I watched the next play intently as the quarterback dropped back to pass. He threw it quick and deep down the field. The crowd cheered as the defensive back intercepted the ball.“Welcome to Sports Center, bitch!” I heckled as loud as I could, laughing.I looked back to the top of the stairs, and I see a familiar face. She waved. All of a sudden, I had a stupid grin on my face. It was her. My crush from the eighth grade. It was early in the season, so it was still warm out. She was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, showing off her long chocolate legs of hers that I remembered. She still looked the same, only like I remembered there was something different about her. Something womanly.“Hey, Chad!”“Hey, what’s up?” I said, genuinely happy to see her. We hugged. I smelled her scent. But itwas all a sham, and the emptiness in my soul only grew greater. I want tobe the woman I am inside, not just have some of the mannerisms of one. Iwant to be one of the girls screaming in the audience, not the singeronstage at whom they are screaming."I tried, Augie, I really tried to overcome it. I even put my career onhold and joined the army in the hope of making myself into the ?real man'I was supposed to be. But it was no use. And so I resumed singing,becoming wealthier and wealthier on the outside, but emptier and emptieron the inside. It began to eat at me so much, that I could not performany more."One of the advantages of being very rich, Augie, is that you can doquite a lot of things, including arrange your own death if necessary. Icalled together some of the various human barnacles who had attachedthemselves to me as my career developed, and together we worked out aplan. First of all, we set up a very discrete but quite large fund thatwould provide me with ample money.
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