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Everyone at the table looked at Herman with raised eyebrows and he blushed furiously.“I uh, tried to explain polyamory to Joey but he doesn’t really get it,” said Herman sheepishly.“Oh shit,” sighed Lester. He knew that Herman was polyamorous and was seeing a girl who had other lovers as well.“Yeah, I saw Herman’s girlfriend out with another guy and I when I told him about it, he was cool with it,” laughed Joey in amazement. “I can’t believe you people. I wouldn’t let some other guy fuck my girlfriend like that.”“Ok, look, so first of all, you don’t even have a girlfriend,” said Herman impatiently, Eleanor couldn’t help giggling in response and looked over shyly at Joey as he sat sprawled on the couch with his legs spread wide. He was fingering his crotch distractedly and she blushed and looked away, pushing her glasses back onto the bridge of her nose.“And secondly, and secondly,” stammered Herman. “I am the only one who is polyamorous here. Eleanor and Arthur are married and. What do humans understand?Dear God: More meatballs,Less spaghetti, please.Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?If there are, will I have to apologize?Dear God: Here is a list ofjust some of the things I must rememberto be a good Dog:1. I will not eat the cat’s food before he eatsit or after he throws it up.2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.3. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.5. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’sunderwear when he’s on the toilet.6. Sticking my nose into someone’scrotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.7. I don’t need to suddenly standstraight up when I’m under the coffee table.8. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur beforeentering the house - not after.9. I will not come in from outside,and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.10. I will not sit in the middle of the livingroom, and lick my crotch11. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’,so when I.
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