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, just because I like the way they smell.3. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.4. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.5. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’sunderwear when he’s on the toilet.6. Sticking my nose into someone’scrotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.7. I don’t need to suddenly standstraight up when I’m under the coffee table.8. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur beforeentering the house - not after.9. I will not come in from outside,and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.10. I will not sit in the middle of the livingroom, and lick my crotch11. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’,so when I play with him and he makes that noise,it’s usually not a good thing.P.S. Dear God:When I get to Heaven,may I have my testicles back?Some Random Thoughts... Someone Just Honked to get me out of my parking spot faster so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.So I was at the bar last night and the Waitress Screamed... “Anyone know CPR?”I said, “Hell I. Perhaps I was close.“Yes, there was. All the villagers left centuries ago and the buildings have all rotted away. All save the church.”“Does it happen to have big stained-glass windows?” “Aye,” she nodded. A wave of excitement overtook me. Exciting as her information was, it paled in comparison to the see-through woman who gave it. What could she be? She looked human, though irregular. Being small and pale doesn’t make you a monster. Then I remembered her first shriek, the one that was so loud I thought my eardrums burst. That definitely wasn’t normal. Even if it somehow got magnified by the shape of the cave, it was still unnatural. I thought about my knowledge of Irish folklore. I wasn’t an encyclopedia or anything, but I’ve played my fair share of D&D so I had an idea as to what she might be. Couldn’t hurt to ask.“Are you a banshee?” I asked.“Aye,” she said, nodding again. “How did you know?”“Lucky guess,” I said, feeling anything but lucky.“Are you not afraid of me?” she asked.“A.
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