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Grab a beer and come on back.” She came in the room and plopped down on the sofa next to me, popped open her beer and saw the joint in the ashtray. “Oh,” she said, “Can I get a hit off of that?” As she began to go on about her boring evening, I looked at the tight fitting top she was wearing and I remarked, “Damn Tami, your tits are getting bigger.” My sister has the biggest tits in school and she was pretty proud of them. She replied, “Yeah, it’s starting to become a curse on me. All my girlfriends are envious, but I can’t get the guys off of me. That’s why I came home early tonight. That fucking Jason McCoy wouldn’t leave me alone.” “Jason McCoy is an asshole, I never liked his obnoxious personality.” We watched TV, took a couple more tokes of pot, and pretty soon we were laughing at stupid shit like always. I put my hand under the pillow next to me and felt a rubber object. I pulled it out and it was a vibrating dildo. “What do we have here Tami?” “Oh shit,” she said back, “I. As far as I'm concerned, if I can't fix it with a screwdriver, a hammer, and a can of WD-40, it's someone else's job.Anyway, I didn't get anywhere this morning, so I hauled it out of the garage and into the back of the station wagon, and took it off to Brown's. Next week, they said. Their fixit guy wouldn't be able to look at it for a couple of days. That was fine with me. I hated mowing the lawn in the first place. For all I cared, the grass could grow until I got a citation from the city for failing to keep it mowed. My spouse didn't have the same view, unfortunately.When I got back it was almost lunch time, the kitchen was empty, the diary was lying there open to today's entry, and there was no sign of my spouse or Julie."Hello?"No answer."Anyone here?"Still nothing.It took me a minute, standing there, before I saw the note taped to the microwave. At the mall, it said, {back by dinnertime. XXX}OK, that was fine. I went back to the diary. I had squirrels, big ones, in my gut. I.
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