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"I'm not incapacitated. I can pee just fine," I said."That's true. She doesn't even need to position the bedpan. You can do that." She'd just have to wipe me. Frankly I don't think that is going to be much fun for her."Theresa nodded and said, "I can agree on that. It just bothers me that she'll see your ... testicles." You could say 'balls, ' you know." I could, but I'd rather not." Is there any way to prevent that?" I asked.Theresa was silent for a minute. Then she looked me in the eyes, and said, "You are being almost as ... I'm not sure. It feels like a 'want for this to work' from you. Not as pushy as Jessica, but close."I wondered if she saw my surprise. 'Did she really know? No, stop this, John.'"Are you saying that, because I'm trying to be courteous and you're not used to it from a man? If I didn't try to help, even people I didn't know, I wouldn't be here right now."A flash of guilt ran across Theresa's face. I felt bad for pushing those buttons ... well, maybe a. . andsome kind of strange servitude. And it got more pronounced with time. Clarissalaughed in my presence and I think she felt more comfortable with time and herway of responding was to become more and more servile. She wanted to do thingsfor me, she wanted me to be pleased with what she did, and when I'd thank herand call her a good girl, the look in her eyes'd give me the shivers.In retrospect, I understand all of that. I think I understood it well enoughback then too, but was unable to put it in words. I can be slow at times.The first time we had sex. Now I think about it and call it "Point of Entry" inmy head. It was initiation, nothing short of initiation for me and, I guess heras well. I truly know this in my heart: I was a different man after that. I mayhave not realised it immediately after, maybe not tomorrow morning either. Butnow I know. Old Nick was left behind that night. A new one was born. One I neverknew was there, waiting to emerge, fully formed, defiant,.
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