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The punch-bag is well and truly dead though." He moved behind his desk and sat down, his hair still damp from the shower. "Has that idiot entered a plea yet?" Not yet, sir." Right," Bob said. "If he pleads guilty, demote him one grade and put him in command of a scout. We always need more scouts. If he pleads not guilty, then give him a fair trial, find him guilty, demote him and park him in some dead-end administrative job where his prospects for promotion are zero or less. Preferably less." Why the difference, sir?" If he can't recognise his own mistake, then I don't want him in my command. People can learn from their mistakes. If he doesn't accept that he made a mistake then he won't learn from it and he'll make the same mistake again some time. I knew someone like that back on Earth."Bittor raised an eyebrow to ask for more."He was one of my husband's work colleagues. He believed that he was perfect and so he managed to convince himself that any mistakes were always someone. Every single day I..." he trailed off. This was a lot of effort for him, I could tell."I never wanted to be like this. I never asked to be different. I've wished I was straight, I've wished I was gay; I've wished I was fucking dead." He smiled, weakly. "None of it ever came true, of course. All I know is that when I look in the mirror I see someone I despise."I tried to interject, to tell him it wasn't all bad, but he interrupted me."You know what it's like? I watch other people - girls - talking to each other, talking to me, doing whatever, and it's like a knife in the fucking ribs. All these things I've wanted to be able to do my entire life, and they do them... so effortlessly. It actually physically hurts. Right here."Silence, again. I was having difficulty dealing with this, so I stayed quiet as well."It's just not fair," he said. "I look at everyone else and all I can do is hate them because they know where they are in their heads. They don't hate themselves for every minute.
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