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The thing is, I -wanted- to care. I just couldn't. Depression is a hard thing to explain to someone else. I kept asking myself over and over again what I had done to make Stella stop loving me, to just cast me away like some plaything. For the first few days I didn't even come out of my room.Pepper left me alone, either through knowing that harassing me would do no good, or just not caring. I didn't know, but I was alone. My friends called, Ryan came by but I didn't even want to see him, and so I just sat and stared out the window. The whole room still smelled of her and when I closed my eyes at night, I kept reaching for her unconsciously, only to find the other side of the bed cold.I drank, I cried, I did all the dumb shit that never helps and then finally I decided there was only one option left, and that was to get her out of my mind the only way a dumb eighteen year old knows how. By fucking.The first thing I did was have a much needed shower and got out of my pyjama pants. The. She only hoped they wouldn’t spoil him too much.But this work was back-breaking. The packers had put too much in boxes that were too large and it was nearly impossible for Abby to move them. In some cases she’d taken to opening them where they were and carrying the contents off into the room where they belonged. It wasn’t that she was out of shape or feeling her 34 years, the boxes were just too damned heavy! After several years of pilates and planking and god knows what else to try to keep herself in her impossible husband’s favor, Abby was a fit woman who still got carded when she tried to buy a bottle of wine. But these big boxes were so awkward. She couldn’t get her arms around the bigger, heavier ones to get them off the stacks.So she muddled along the best she could, cursing herself for her choice of movers, a group of college hunks whose yard sign she’d seen in a neighbor’s yard. And she cursed her judgment in men and the husband who’d swept her off her feet while she was.
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