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It may occur from totalstrangers and often goes a far as rape and murder.We question ourselves with "What's wrong with me?", knowing, but stillnot accepting the unthinkable cruelty of being in the "wrong body." Weare alone thinking that we are the only person alive who has this kind offeelings.We pray and ask G_d or another deity to change us or we try to use magicso what is between our legs finally matches our mind. Disappointed andfrustrated, we are still in the wrong body.We also get that "What's wrong with you?" "discussion" that is really aspeech, resulting in being coerced into playing football and learning howto fight because dad wants to "make a man" out of us or mom makes uslearn how to cook, sew, clean house and other feminine things so we willbecome good housewives. Sometimes trying to fit in, we do it toourselves, usually without success. But that doesn't mean we can fightour way out of a paper bag or boil water without burning it.Then our bodies betray us. We. As I stood in the check-out line, I couldn’t help but think ‘what the hell just happened?’ As I drove home I contemplated my life. I hadn’t been on a date or had sex, aside from self-administered, in almost three years. Had I completely given up? Sophie shook me up. Of that there was no doubt. Although it was ostensibly just bird watching, I knew it was potentially more. She was a widow. Was I ready to admit that I wanted more? There was a time when I felt that I needed to. But did I need more now? For the first time in my life I felt that I was actually at peace with myself. I was content where I was. And then Sophie was in my face. Did I really need this? On my way home I bought a pair of binoculars. That night I had a dream. I dreamt that it was sunny and warm and I was walking down a forest path, holding hands with someone. I don’t know who, but there was a feeling of warmth. We watched bright yellow birds flit through the sunlit branches. The leaves were glistening in the sun..
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