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As it stands, she feels pressured if I ask her to deny me in those periods. She has to feel sexy in order to enjoy the act of denial. That has been one of my learning pains and I am getting better at it but still fail her and it hits her hard when she feels she isn't meeting my needs.The year has been more about me learning to temper my unspoken demands and pressures. When she is teasing me for a week and denying me I get touchy with her. I can't help the desire to give her a back rub while she is on her computer relaxing. It can get too much for her though, and I have had to learn to ask if she would like my attention of not. It's a balancing act, where she does enjoy the adoration... just not too much adoration. The parts that turn me on the most and make me the happiest is that she glows with confidence. It's not the act of locking me up, but the continues small acts of reminding her that I adore her and that I support her indulging her selfish desires. In thanking her. ’ ‘It was fine, the best, it was all that I’d dreamt it would be, you are a great lover, it’s just that, I have never had loving this good, ever. I was married for years to a man who had no concept that the woman should get some enjoyment from sex, it was a case of ‘whip it in, whip it out and wipe it’. That was a small part of what I had to endure and this is just so different, so much better. My tears are tears of joy.’ I held her to me and made appropriate consoling noises until she stopped crying. ‘You don’t have to tell me about it if you don’t want to, but it may help to get it out in the open. I get the feeling that you haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it.’ ‘Oh I’ve talked about it, I’ve talked to psychologists and counsellors who nodded sagely and told me all of the same positive things like I have my whole life ahead of me, but they couldn’t accept that I was totally trapped in that life. I’ve talked to my mother and father who couldn’t understand why I’d put up.
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