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I mourned for all the milestones I would miss even as I remembered her first smile, her first word, her first steps. The tears fell bitterly down my cheeks and dripped onto my clothes. I did not notice when rain joined my tears. I didn’t care if I got soaked. I never felt more alive then when I was amongst the dead. This is where I belonged not out in the world of the living with their ever present smiles and words of encouragement. I remembered Gina the florist and how she had asked me how I was today in that casual manner that proprietors often use with their customers. I just stared at her hard and long until she finally looked away. She surely couldn’t be dumb enough to think I was having a happy existence. Everyone in the city knew who I was and what had happened to Christina. Fuck, I was at the shop buying flowers for her grave. Yeah, I wanted to say, I am just peachy, stupid bitch. I don’t know how long I knelt there weeping as the storm raged on around me, bending the. She was stopped, her arms crossed under her chest, acting as if I was keeping her waiting. Which I guess I was.We had to ride single file for most of the first five miles or so. There was just too much traffic and not enough road for us to ride side by side. I let her ride in front, making sure I kept my eyes on her ass cheeks moving up and down so I didn't get lost. Hey, we had no way to get in touch with each other if we separated.We finally got out in the country far enough to have dedicated bike paths. The view had been nice but it was good to be able to ride next to Jill and talk with her."You seem to be pretty comfortable with this. Do you ride a lot?" I used to. Wanda and I were in a club that went out a few times a week before I started volleyball last year." What's up with Wanda?" What do you mean, what's up?" Well, she's... I don't know. She just comes to the games and the house and she's quiet like she doesn't want anyone to notice her. I thought maybe she was with Charlie.
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