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I had no idea what to say. I wanted to meet him again, but I didn't want to appear like an overeager schoolgirl with a crush. I told him I had a good time and he said he'd mail me in a couple of weeks as he would be out of town until then. We shook hands and he showed me out.As I walked down the hill to hail a taxi, I began to have second thoughts. I became convinced that passersby knew my secret. Was there cum in my hair? Did my breath smell like cock? I hadn't brushed my teeth and could still taste Matt's cum on my tongue. It wasn't as appealing as earlier, and I felt my first pangs of regret. What had I done? Suddenly the label was not just cocksucker, but dirty down-low cum-swallowing cocksucker. I was conflicted. I had enjoyed sucking Matt's dick while I was doing it, but now I saw myself as a pathetic prostitute who hadn't even been paid. Suddenly I was sure that I didn't want to do it again.After returning home, I immediately went to the adult site where I had first. I got a good office and was kept busy. I would work then go to my apartment. My co-workers took to calling me the hermit.Thinking back on the past was what I did every night while at home. At work I was busy enough that I didn't dwell on the past and what Sarah had done to us. Home was another story. I didn't drink or do drugs, so the pain seemed to stay right there. No matter where I was I missed her, and hated her. I was torn up inside. Angry, hurt, and lonely.I had asked myself many times over why, why had she done what she had done? Why throw it all away? Why the other men? I had lots of questions. No answers. The females at the office soon learned that while I seemed to be available I wasn't. They quit being quite so 'friendly' after a couple of months.The guys would try to get me to go out with them, but since their fun was bars and women, I declined. I just went home to work out, eat dinner, go to bed. I would get little sleep over the night, tossing and turning all night. I.
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