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Of course, he was seeing someone. Of course, I was an idiot. It was devastating in many ways and took time to work through it. What I couldn’t ultimately work through was trusting a man, again. Not after all that time together. Not after giving up my career aspirations of writing so he could move up in his career. What I call my ‘idiot years’ at the end of the marriage did, however, provide the foundation for the future when I was ready: resolve to focus on writing; and, the knowledge to provide myself with very real and satisfying pleasure with toys and my own fingers.Even though I am alone, and committed to being alone (I won’t trust a man ever again and, despite writing about slutty, desperate women ready to ride any available man, I won’t stoop to being a man’s toy or object), I have a closet full of erotic outfits I love wearing for myself and more mirrors throughout the house than normally seen. In essence, I use the outfits and the mirrors to entice myself … and the wine. Chloe hasn’t moved or squirmed once since she went to sleep. She’s fine where she is, and if I need to get up, I will put her back in bed.”“What is on her face?” the new nurse on shift asked.“Something she can’t remove so that she doesn’t scare the hell out of Mandy by pulling it off, as she did her eye patches,” I joked. “These are special light-blocking goggles that only let in the minimal amount of light she can handle without pain. We don’t have to wipe or wash her butt off anymore.”The nurse smiled, uncovered Chloe enough to get the thermometer under her arm and a sensor on her finger.When she wrote all the things down, the nurse said, “I’m all for not wiping that butt anymore. Her body does something unnatural to what comes out. You have some sort of bond with her because I didn’t get popped by static electricity like the other times since she got here. At least, I think that is what it must have been.”Then in a whisper, she said, “I have to say that because other people got.
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