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Perhaps not.After ten minutes you would go to the bathroom as instructed again, this time removingthe tights, returning to looks from customers of amused bewilderment at why on earthyou would be losing your tights in the middle of winter in a bookshop. The suppressedgiggle, the muttering. That soft stroke of humiliation as you wait, anticipating whatis to follow. The whispered chuckles of those watching you, you wondering which I am.You blush a little, conscious you are wet, embarrassed that this whole charade isarousing.As you sit down at your drink again, you notice a slip of paper and a twenty poundnote, the paper with a hotel name and a room number on it, both placed on top of anenvelope marked "open on arrival". You finish your drink hurriedly and gather yourthings, carrying your coat as instructed - not certain why you are following theinstructions of someone you don't know, but feeling that you should. Part of the play.At reception heads turn as you walk in, stumbling on heels. Her answer wasn’t what I’d been expecting. I’d been expecting a simple binary answer. Yes or No. But Grace’s answer gave me a lot of food for thought.“Are you saying that if Sue wasn’t around, you’d feel differently about me?” I’ve always felt a need to spell things out. Deeply insecure, grey is a shade that frightens me and I hate. Black and white is my comfortable habitat.“Fuck,” Grace declared, a real rarity to hear from her mouth. “That’s not fair, Pete. Sue is around. And I’m not going to be the woman to wheedle you away from your wife. That’s not me. It might be Francis, but it’s not me.”Grace’s words brought me up short. Shamed me. She was the one prepared to stand up for the sanctity of my marriage, while my frightened brain wanted to inch open another door and see what lay behind.As her hand continued to stroke my brow, the silence descended on us again. I closed my eyes and just wallowed in the feel of her soft fingers in my hair and on my head. It wasn’t fixing the problem,.
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