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I had to watch him die over nearly 2 years, that was hard. I see patients regularly who are in similar condition, Ted never did the one thing most do, complain. He just accepted, at least openly. I read his last stories after his death, and realized my mistake. When Ted was ready to go, I should have let him. He stayed alive for at least an extra year, only because of me. It was just when he could no longer cope that he let go..My fault, my greed, my need, I wanted him with me. It was only 5 weeks later and I had to go back to work, the walls of my lonely house were climbing in at me. I found myself trying to force myself to sleep, to dream. I was hoping for a moment more, another touch, I realized I was losing control of myself. So I called Sally, my super, of course they could use me. Back to the HMO clinic I went, thinking that keeping busy would help me to cope. And I accepted a date with one of my patients! My 2nd patient of the day, I had to simply be out of my mind! I remember. Yes I do, Maire.” She said. Again, I remembered back to my first time in this dressing room.I had her step into the red dress. It was short but did cover the tops of her stockings as long as she was careful. I then tied the black choker around her young, slender neck. As she admired herself in the mirror, I pulled her long red hair back and up in a bun. Our eyes met in the mirror. “What a woman,” I smiled. “You may be a smartie-pants engineer, but you are also one sexy woman.”She just grinned at me. Then a serious look crossed her young face. “But what if all this makes Steve what to have sex with me. I want to go slow, but…”I reached for her hand. “Jackie, what you do and the pace is all up to you as long as you take some control. All men, not just Steve, what to “get in a girl’s pants”. If you let them do too much, too fast, they will have their thrills with you and then move-on. They actually respect a girl who meters-out the sex. They’ll never admit it, but they do.“Look, I love.
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