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”“Clarissa was right - I want to be a doctor more. I feel like a complete cad.”“May I be direct?”“Sure.”“How many relationships have you ended for exactly that reason? Or didn’t start? You actively tried to chase off girls until you found one you couldn’t chase off.”“I didn’t chase Angie away. I didn’t really try.”“Mike, none of that was real. I’m not saying Angie wasn’t sincere, but there’s no way to know what’s real in Angie’s mind and what isn’t. I’m sure you read that schizophrenia is, among other things, a disorder of the sense of self, and that while schizophrenics observe, they do not properly process observations into meaning.”“But it felt so real. And my love for her is real.”“I don’t doubt your love, but for Angie, her sensations, thoughts, ideas, and understanding of the world is incoherent during her episodes. And outside those episodes, she doesn’t see or process the world the way you and I do. Her reality is not our reality. She doesn’t implicitly understand her thoughts. Those memories are starting to fade, it might make more sense to let them go but he knows he would rather hold on to them for as long as possible, maybe forever. Hell, some days it feels like it never even happened. He pulls in to get the mail – sorting over the trash he tosses the flyers, tucks the bills under his arm, and glances down at the last envelope. It’s handwritten. What the hell? No one writes letters anymore – maybe it’s from an old friend for his birthday. He stops. Would she have done this? It would be pretty stupid, totally bold, and incredibly reckless – so it could definitely be her. He had been her partner in crime doing some wildly inappropriate moves in the past. He knew what she was capable of when she felt spontaneous. Deep breath – don’t be a pussy, dude. He slides the short letter out of the envelope. — Talk to me. Maybe you are sad or anxious or disappointed. Talk to me and it will be better. Close your eyes. Breathe in – now let it all out. Can you feel it?.
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