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You know, I don't think I could love another girl. It just wouldn't be the same." Lauren squeezed her, feeling her way over the smoothness of her buttocks. They kissed lightly. Several moments past before she spoke again. "Can I ask you about Emma?"Lauren wondered if she would broach the subject. "Sure". She hesitated. "She's really so young" she said defensively. "In that experimenting phase, I think." Lauren listened, wondering if Nikki would prompt her for more. Their eyes met and Lauren knew the look. "I've been thinking how it could have happened. I know you're right, but you'll just have to believe me that it was her idea. Not that I would have resisted her for much longer, but she really did start it all." It's OK. I know. She's stunning. And fresh." Nikki hugged her. "I'm just old now!" Don't be stupid." She knew the same thoughts would be running through Nikki's head; how they had fallen in love with each other at the same age, experimenting, playing with boys and. Adding both to the pain and bittersweet pleasure of this whole experience.In some ways, this was an Epiphany-type moment for me. When Jill and I had started this whole game, as far as I understood myself it had been the thought of watching Jill being physically intimate with another man which was the turn-on for me. But at the moment as I rejected the idea of calling Jill to discuss my feelings, I started to realize that the whole emotional side of this thing was maybe a bigger turn-on. But at the same time carried a heavy emotional tariff, far beyond anything purely physical.The word that buzzed into my head and wouldn’t stop flashing was ‘masochist’. Was this me? Not a pleasant thought to contemplate in some ways. No-one ever likes to think of themselves as being a masochist, associated as it is with all kinds of ideas of self-harm and low self-esteem. But a nagging voice at the back of my head forced me to confront the possibility.How else could I explain my enjoyment of what I’d.
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