When I went to bed that night I discovered that she left the vibrator under my pillow. It doesn’t work anymore but I still have it. Now here I am fifteen years later thinking about another woman as I masturbated. The next day I was taking lunch at a Chinese buffet near my building when a voice asked if I would like some company. It was, Janis, the UPS woman. Yes, same name as my cousin. What could I say? So I said, “sure, sit.” We exchanged small talk. She was unmarried working at getting a BS degree on line. She ate fast saying that she had little time for lunch. She used the buffets because she could eat and run without waiting for something from the kitchen. As we talked she never stopped looking me in the eyes. “Gotta run.” Before standing she refilled my tea from the pot. “Hope I catch you here again sometime.” “Yes, me too.” I replied. I watched her walk to the door. She was tall and slender with a runners body. Maybe she is a marathoner too. The lose fitting UPS shirt. Since that same day, my nights were mostly dreamless, Ethan didn’t appear in my dreams as much. I still had that kickass attraction to him, but I didn’t know if he felt the same way. There were times when he always managed to find a way to touch me, brushing our hands in class, having our knee touch underneath the desk, touching my lower back. He was driving me insane, I craved his touch like a junkie would crave his next shot. A month later, things started to go south again, Ethan missed school more than usual, and the sixth anniversary of my parent’s death was coming up quickly. It was probably the worst day of the year for me and each year it didn’t get any easier. I missed Ethan, I missed my parents and I missed Max, who couldn’t get a leave from the army. I was an emotional mess and I didn’t have a single soul to talk to. The day that marked my parent’s death, Sara let me stay at home and asked me if I wanted to join her at the cemetery, so we could pay our respects. When we.
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