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She was fairly tall and she moved gracefully and confidently. Something about her reminded me of Barbara Stanwyck, but years later I also made a comparison to Kathleen Turner. Part of it was her dark-blonde hair, which she had pulled back into a tight bun. As she approached she made no indication that I was the guy who had recently romped around the inside of a car with her. When I opened the rear passenger door for her, I decided to play it straight, “Good afternoon, Mrs. Sykes.”“Good afternoon, Paul.”Maybe she’s just putting on an act to fool the doorman. I would have thought Holly – being from the upper-middle or upper class or whatever – would be immune to the opinions of service workers, but that wasn’t the case the previous week. She had been worried about him seeing her in the front seat. I wondered if she’d ever brought a guy up to her apartment since her divorce.When I was seated in the front and had started in the engine, I waited for her to speak up. “Just drive along 21st. )I wish I had had the balls to tell her that I was in love with her. But I was young and couldn't. She was the reason I couldn't be with any other woman. Being with another woman after just existing in Mom's world would be akin to living in an efficiency apartment after having lived in a Hollywood mansion. I know, it's a bad analogy, but it's as close as I can get.Beyond the fact that she is extremely beautiful, what I feel for her is much deeper. It goes beyond the sexual desire, goes beyond wanting to possess her, to own her body. What I want and need is to possess her soul, I think that she still loves me as a mother to her son, but my dream is that I need her to love me like a woman loves her man.I'm in love with her and I need for her to love me too, because mother is the reason there is no longer a woman who satisfies me. When having sex, I settled for fucking like animals do, instinctively but without love. Today that is no longer enough.Young girls my age didn't interest me as.
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