The barn had collapsed sideways, probably from a wind storm some time ago. The farmhouse was still standing, a heavy, low two story structure that had a slate roof and looked like it could withstand the second coming. The windows were all covered with shutters and the front door was nailed shut. Behind the house, however, was a broad porch that led to a latched door. I carefully opened it, watching for feral animals or bats. Instead I found a place that looked like I had just stepped into the 1880's. Everything was covered in dust though. I decided that I'd just found my final destination.I had to run a new bucket and rope down the well to get water but the old cast iron boiling kettle was still there next to the leached ashes of the old fire pit. I unloaded my jeep onto the back porch, then cruised around looking for firewood. Not far away was an old copse with squaw wood just waiting to be picked up or knocked off the trees. I filled the jeep and headed back. I emptied my load,. I have to find somebody. I’ll call you back.’ ‘Wait, don’t hang up!’ I croaked. But she was gone. I had never felt so alone. Time passed. How much? Who knew? How could I tell? I rested. Just trying to talk to Tina’s mother had taken more effort than I could imagine. When would she call me back? I knew I was getting weaker. I tried to remember how to pray. After a while, I started to laugh at myself. I realized that I had been trying to remember all the trite, pat, cleanly packaged and hermetically sealed prayers I had been taught in my childhood. What rubbish. The tears started to flow again, but this time they were the half-delirious, half-hysterical tears of oncoming madness. Then it finally dawned on me. ‘Just think, asshole,’ I said out loud. ‘God doesn’t want nursery rhymes. He probably thinks they’re just as stupid as you do. If you’re going to talk to Him, just talk to Him.’ So I did. I don’t even remember what I said, or if I said anything aloud. I just know I felt better..
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