’ ‘Well,’ he chuckled, ‘for some of us, it’s just finding a woman who seems happy to put up with us once they know all our secrets. Once they’ve seen all our scars and smelled all our bullshit.’ I considered the ways in which Miranda had adapted to my ‘condition.’ The way she was sensitive to the things that bothered me and the way she seemed to be a student of my behavior. ‘But another good sign,’ Andrew continued thoughtfully, ‘is when you find yourself really, really mad at her — like storming out of the house kind of mad, like ‘this chick has serious issues’ kind of mad. And once you get far enough away, you realize that all you really want to do… is go back.’ He took a long drink from his water bottle, then stared up at the stars awhile. ‘But I still feel so angry,’ I said after a few silent minutes. Andrew continued looking up a moment, then turned his pensive gaze towards me. ‘Think about what’s below that,’ he said. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Whenever I’m angry, it’s usually just. Man, it almost made it look like I had a girl's pussy downthere! I struggled out of the suit and examined the swelling a littlemore closely - and, well, yeah, I guess that there was a sort of creaserunning down the center of the swelling - but there was certainlynothing as extreme as the Speedo had made it look like. Relieved, Itossed the offending suit in the waste basket and went back to browsingthe internet.The October issue of Seventeen Magazine was devoted to articles andpictures of teenage boy actors and models. I read that issue throughseveral times and since two of the models reminded me of Jeff I cut outthe pages with their pictures and stuck them up on the wall by my bed.It's kind of funny but I've been dreaming about Jeff sometimes in mysleep lately. Now I can't always remember the details of my dreams butmost of them are, like, how cute Jeff is, and how much I like to be withhim, and how fascinated I am with the bulge in the crotch of his jeans.I think in one of my dreams.
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