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Sunlight and birdsong. I try to feel something. Anything. There’s no rage left, no anger. But there is nothing to take its place either. I try to hold that thought but I can’t. I know I need you to know that, but helpless, I know it’s unlikely I’ll recall it later. Still staring at the trees, I feel I ought to be responding to the beauty around me. I can see it’s a pretty place, a lovely afternoon. I try again to concentrate. I hear the birds, a light breeze rustling the manicured landscape. I can hear the unusual sounds of children playing in the visitor’s garden. I feel next to nothing in response. I ought to feel so much more. Christopher. I know I should. That’s your fault. I know that too. You stare at me pained, hopeful, and wary. What are you waiting for? This cocktail of me-suppressing drugs is no recipe for love. I can barely feel me, let alone you. I feel resentment stirring. Blessed resentment! That’s something, that’s mine. August They say I’m doing better. I’m off. She wanted to fuck but the front door was out of the question. As for back-door action she was turned off by the ick factor as well. She suggested anal douching.”“She thought doing anal somehow preserved her virginity?”“It preserved her state of body ... and, her conscience.”“And,” Chelsea added, “no risk of pregnancy.”“Not entirely. All it takes is a stray sperm finding its way.”“Well, the risk is zero in my case,” she retorted. “So -- what did you do?”“I kept my briefs on until the last moment.”Chelsea rolled her eyes. “No -- what did you do to prep for anal sex?”“We used an anal douche and never had a problem.” He looked into Chelsea’s blue eyes. “Are you game?”“For you I am,” she replied. “You took a big chance with me. Now it’s my turn to take a big chance with you.”“Today is Saturday. Have anything planned for this evening?”She shook her head. “No. Nothing. Nothing that can’t be put off ‘til tomorrow, that is.”“I can take a walk to the drugstore and get what we need. Then, we.
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