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I knew there was zero chance of ever following through with a transition. Of course I wouldn’t get breast implants. Of course I wouldn’t take hormones. Of course I wouldn’t leave the house dressed like a woman. First off, I’m just too damn shy and self-conscious about that. Secondly, my family is very conservative and I’d be disowned—written out of the will. Guaranteed. Third off, my girlfriend, who is also very conservative, has expressed great disdain for “those types of people.” She would, without a doubt, leave me. If those things happened, I would most likely grab a 12 pack of beer, go out in the garage on a 20 degrees-below-zero February night, start up the car, put on some Pink Floyd, and slip away into eternal sleep. Whew! Well, I began shaving my body on a daily basis. I lost a bunch of pounds that men seem to gain very easily in their 40s. I’d wear some of my girlfriend’s lingerie both around the house as well as out in public. I made purchases of girlie things on Amazon. I. He did not know.In my final term I received a letter. It said:"My darling boy,I understand you are in your final term at school and I just thought Iwould drop you a note to say how much I love you and how I have missedhaving you around. I will have a friend bring you to me at the end ofterm.Your loving Mum,Ayesha"At first I thought it was a joke but then I thought, no, this was Mum'shandwriting and the envelope I had opened was definitely addressed tome. So why on earth was Mum calling herself Ayesha? She was calledAlison.So I was excited at the end of term when a chauffeur turned up at theschool in a Bentley to take me home to Mum. I was surprised, however,on getting to Mum's house to find that Mum was wearing a something thatI thought was called a hijab but which is in fact called a chador andwhich covered all of her body except her face which was smiling warmlyat me but also at the same time looking at me with pity."Thank you Abdul, that was very kind of you," my Mum said to.
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