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( yes I know I've probably got an inferiority complex ... so what!). Anyway I ditched the course and sent for some self help books. 'Writing for Dummies' 'Erotica for the Middle- Aged' and 'So You Want to be An Author?'I was out walking the dog one cold February morning, my head full of stories to write and my thoughts on the comments I'd seen on the Stories on Line forum and those who posted them. Bonzo was off sniffing somewhere when I missed my footing coming down a steep slope, fell arse over tit and hit the ground so hard I knocked myself out.I came to, shook my head and realised I felt fine. The sun was shining, birds were singing, the air was balmy and I thought I had gone barmy. It was February so why was the sun burning my eyes balls out? Why did it feel like high summer? I sat up, gingerly feeling my body for any broken bones. I did a swift inventory check; Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet and Watch. All present and correct ( anyone seeing me carry out this procedure would have. " Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!" Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!" Denial "I didn't fucking do it." Perplexity "I know fuck all about it." Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?" Greetings "How the fuck are ya?" Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?" Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here." Directions "Fuck off." Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?" It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole." It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty." It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?" It can be maternal- "Mother fucker." It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!" It has also been used by many notable people throughout history... "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima "Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" - Captain of the Titanic "That's not a real fucking gun." - John Lennon "Who's gonna fucking find out?" - Richard Nixon "Heads are going to fucking roll." - Anne Boleyn "Let the.
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