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But not my Master. It reassures me that I found nothing. I trust him more as a result. I won’t be bored and he won’t be reckless. I drink him in through his cold eyes, a pool of icy water, to drown my thoughts in. I revel in that douleur exquise when he pierces me with those eyes. I feel the voiceless part of my vulnerability seeping out -the manifestation of his domination over me- my shameful desire to be undressed, so he can dominate me better. His smile reassures me where it might unsettle others. It also unsettles me where it might reassure others. The more I give the less I will be lost and there will be nothing standing in the way of my self-awareness. I am a control freak until I am not.Chapitre 2 Far from the realm of my digested thoughts, this is what happened when I met Master in the flesh. A Patrick Bateman, in his corporate accoutrement, he appeared as if out of nowhere. He greeted me politely, if not coolly. I couldn’t help but notice that his cherubim face jarred with. M., and I just got home from one of the wildest nights of my life. I live near an Army post, and have several friends who are in the military. This past week a couple of them have been home on leave from Iraq. They're leaving Saturday, so about ten of us got together tonight to have a few drinks and say goodbye. I was lucky enough to be the only civilian invited to this little party. We all met at Dave's house near the base. The plan was to go and hit a few clubs in the area and enjoy one another's company before Shawn and Roger went back to continue fighting in the Middle East. We never left the house. When I arrived about six guys were already there chugging beer and swapping stories. Several had already served their tours in Iraq, and were interested in the others' impressions of what was going on over there. After several minutes of the small talk Dave suggested we go out on his deck and talk about anything other than the war. All were in agreement. As we sat on the deck waiting.
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