I took the wastebasket and started to fill it up with all the trash that had come out with the mattress. McDonald's wrappers, beer can pop tops, wadded up tissues, crushed Styrofoam coffee cups, a condom wrapper...I stopped, looking at that last item stupidly. I sat down; suddenly dizzy, thinking to myself, 'now how did that get there?' I smoothed the torn wrapper across my knee. 'Trojan Ultra-Thin' the front read. Something wasn't right.I knew it wasn't there before we left for Yellowstone. I had cleaned the van thoroughly including removing the mattress, vacuuming and putting on fresh bedding before we loaded up.As I absentmindedly fingered the wrapper I considered the possibilities. Debbie had gone off the pill the month before. We had decided to start our family as soon as she had completed her first year in her job. John and Kathy made no secret of the fact she was on the pill until their little boy turned two. Then they were planning on getting pregnant for their second one.I. What was even more uncharacteristic than accepting a date with a man like Harold was going with him to a strip show. I was pretty sure that seeing other women naked up on a stage would embarrass me almost as much as if I were up there with them. Seeing pictures of women naked on the internet made me feel naked. Their exposure seemed like a threat to all women. Men could look at them and know what I looked like with my clothes off. At least in the generic sense. I probably wasn't very sexy looking compared to them. But even thinking about my body naked was embarrassing. My tits are small. I have freckles on my left pussy lip. My nipples have a tendency to swell up at embarrassing times. I didn't really know what my clit was. It was supposed to swell up when you had an orgasm. But I'd never had an orgasm. Karl never seemed to care whether he gave me one or not. I didn't want orgasms, I wanted children. He didn't give me any of those either. Karl had moved out the day after.
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