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Untilreally thinking of life, I did not know how empty my Bella wardrobewas.I did not change to go pick up Lizzy. I was going to, but Dana said hethought it would be cool if she met me dressed as who I really am. Iagreed with him, plus at the airport no one will say anything. Peopleare too concerned with getting out of there to pay attention toothers.Yes, going to the airport as Bella was me living my personal life in asocial setting as her, so you might think that I already startedliving as Bella. I did not. I can go back to living as Ben if I wantedto. In the New Year it would not be a choice to go back and forth. Notthat I would be forced to be Bella, it would be that I am just her.(again using 3rd person just felt strange.)Lizzy was so happy to see Dana and me. She was touched that I came asBella. I was also taken with some emotions by how much she acceptedme. I know that she will only see me as Bella and never as Ben.Liz is an econ grad student at Cal Berkeley. She should be. ??What would it take to make you happy with your life???I dunno. Lots of things. More money. Having some real fun every now andagain. Not always going about the same damn things day in and day out. Arelationship might help. Something to break up the monotony.??Is it really so monotonous???It?s the same things. The same work, the same workers. Jorge?s bar andweekends on the couch in front of the television. It?s so boring andpredictable.??Whose fault is that, Gary??Gary sighed heavily. ?Mine.??You?ve been thinking too much about it, haven?t you???I can?t seem to help it.?The voice seemed focused and intent when it said, ?Are you serious aboutwanting to help it? Stopping the overthinking and analyzing and learning togo with it??Gary was near tears. ?God, yes.??Tell me something, Gary. Who was or is the happiest person you know??Gary thought a moment, chewing his bottom lip. ?Andrea Baumann. In highschool. She was the prom queen and on the dance line. She was so happy.
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