“We fucked up and fucked. Liz can never know about this, never ever.”He nodded. “Absolutely not. I’m sorry, it felt great when we were doing it, really did, but…”“…I know what you mean. Know what really feels bad?”“Hm?”“It hasn’t gone away, I still want to fuck you. Like again, right now even though I already feel horrible.”He smiled and his eyes on her naked body made her feel more insecure than she had felt since her first boyfriend.“Well, I can’t deny that I feel similar, but…”Alex got up from the chair she had been sitting on and walked over to Nate. “You know what, let’s do it. Let’s get it out of our systems, it’s still three days until Liz comes back.”“What? No, come on.”“No, look at us. We already fucked up, big time. It’s going to happen again if we don’t get it out of our systems, fuck until we don’t want to fuck each other anymore. Look at this”, she pointed at her pussy that was still – already again? – wet, “and tell me you don’t want to fuck it.”“I don’t want to fuck. .. but she’d had more than enough experience with it.The visit itself ... was no different than any visits before.Yuri was so drugged he was only in minimal restraints. As best she could tell, he didn’t know they were there. She read to him in Russian, he didn’t react at all. Chiron read to him for a bit. While that was different, there was still no reaction.Afterward there was the same talk with the same doctor and the same crushing lack of hope.But sitting in the back of the car, holding on to Chiron’s hand so tightly she worried she’d break him, it was easier to breathe, easier to cry, easier to let go of some of the pain.For the first time, post-visit, she drank her coffee without brandy, and while she was still somber, she didn’t feel so much like a failure.“Don’t gloat, Julie ... you were right. You were all right.”“Happy to hear it. I was praying we were.”“Don’t let it go to your heads...”Vashti and Svetlana came in from the pool.“Mother ... I hear you took good advice. You are.
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